Fatigue Makes Cowards of Us All

This weekend I competed alongside both my youth students and adult students. We had many great wins, and a lot of great lessons that came from this experience. Let’s dive in

Amidst a hectic tournament, we can have many ideas rushing through our heads. Strategies for certain opponents, a myriad of lessons learned through both loss and winning, and even more. Today I want to focus on what stood out to me in both coaching and competing. The idea of Fatigue.

After coaching over 20 matches, no warmup, no water, no food, and a strict diet of near-fatal levels of caffeine, I stepped on the mat for my first match. Already, we are off to a catastrophic start. Regardless, I went out and won my first match by 6-2. However, within the match itself, I had many losses. There were moments that I was absolutely sure I would win, but after failing to do so, the mental voices already started. Within the match, my main opponent wasn’t the person standing in front of me, but the voice in my head that kept telling me to give in.

“Just hold this position; if you lose it, you’ll lose.”

“You won’t be able to hit that move on him.”

“You’re tired, you might as well just give in and call it a match.”

Without fail, no matter the circumstances, I am always fighting this interior battle with myself. On the surface, looking from the outside in, I look just fine and even sharp in some scenarios, but inside, I am convinced I am going to die from a heart attack (most likely due to a caffeine overdose).

This is what Fatigue does to us. I tell everyone, from experience, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all”. I rarely get tired during training, and if I do, I pride myself on being able to continue forward without giving up. For some reason, a combo of nerves, adrenaline, and lack of good habits leading into the tournament, I found myself face-to-face with Fatigue. With Fatigue comes this idea of Deep Waters, which I stole from Logan. The goal of Jiu-Jitsu is to be able to drag your opponent into these ‘Deep Waters’ so that they may drown under the weight of Fatigue. However, you have to be able to swim in these waters you have brought your opponent into.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
- Matthew 14:29-30

The fear of drowning is in all of us, especially me, since I can’t swim at all. I try my best to face these Deep Waters in training as much as possible, so when the time comes in competition, I won’t be afraid when it inevitably happens. Fatigue brings out the worst in us. It brings frustration, sadness, fear, and every other possible negative emotion. The goal of training is to be so comfortable in the Deep Waters that it feels like home. The goal of Fatigue is to become best friends with it so we may learn from our interior battles and choose to push forward in spite of the emotions.

I always tell my students, “I don’t care who you are when you’re fresh. Everyone can be a good person off a great night of sleep. How do you act when you're tired, beaten up, bogged down, or exhausted? The way you act in this scenario shows me who you really are as a person.”

Can we choose to fight even when we feel like we’re drowning in Deep Waters? Can we fight the voices that wage war against us when Fatigue makes its appearance? To me, this is one of the great lessons of Jiu-Jitsu that is often not talked about enough. The greatest win isn’t against any external opponent, but against the one that is inside all of us. That Enemy within us who tempts us to quit when there’s still more to give, that tells us we aren’t cut out for it, that tells us we are in over our heads.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
- 1 Corinthians 10:13

What is winning?

To me, winning is not the external medals, though these are a much-appreciated added bonus. A win, to me, is when I want to give up, but choose not to in the face of Fatigue. A win is choosing to conquer that interior battle. It may not result in beating the opponent who is in front of you, but that is a temporary battle. The battle with our inner critic is one we struggle with the entirety of our lives, a perpetual struggle. To conquer this enemy is a greater win and accomplishment than any gold medal could represent.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth [….] but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.”
-Matthew 6:19-20

Perhaps it’s because I’ve lost so many matches I’ve rationalized losing. I’m not competitive in the slightest. In fact, I once took a personality test that ranked all your personality traits based on a score of 100. For me, my main trait was Learning, with a score of 94. In dead last, with a whopping score of 3, was Competitiveness. To me, competition isn’t about winning medals (though I would be lying to say I don’t get frustrated when I get anything other than gold). To me, competition is more about learning who I really am as a person. Competition to me is a trial by fire to see not only if my Jiu-Jitsu works, but if my mind is strong enough to deal with adversity. In the end, nobody cares if you win X amount of gold medals except for yourself. Medals are simply the byproduct of the process of effort. Again, perhaps I’m rationalizing losing because I’ve lost way more competitions than I’ve won.

A true loss to me is when I gave up when I still had more to give. A true win for me is fighting until the very end. The outcome is quite honestly in God’s hands; the effort I put in is in my hands. It’s as St. Ignatius of Loyola said, “Pray as if everything depended on God. Work as if everything depended on you.”

The Bottom Line

Fatigue makes cowards of us all unless we choose to fight despite it.

Deep waters make us afraid of drowning unless we choose to fight against the waves that threaten us.

The real win isn’t external. It’s the interior disposition to continue forward despite these daunting opponents.